Coping with losing my first love

Valerie-BustamanteBy Valerie Bustamante


“I love you.”

Saying those words to someone who gives you butterflies and just plain makes you shed a smile at the sight of their name can be so special.

When I first said it and heard it from the one person who I believed to be my one true love, I was head over heels. I didn’t have a care in the world and I believed this person to be the one.

I’d never had this feeling before, but it just felt right. Like most people I was trying to picture and want the fairy tale we see in pop culture, the reason why I was treasuring our relationship so much and could not see any troubles. I saw no wrong in the person and I thought he could do no wrong. We showed each other how much we cared for each other and made time for one another. Being a full-time student, sometimes it can be difficult to even develop a relationship like the one we had, but we made it work. He picked me up from school or we saw each other on weekends.

However, I never seemed to realize what would happen if things went wrong. I was blinded by the love I felt for this one person. I never expected to be faced with the decision to end the relationship. I’d given all the love I had for this person. I became his No. 1supporter. I felt he had given it his all as well.

When I got a text message saying, “Look, there is someone else and I am no longer happy,” I didn’t know what to think. What had I done wrong? I had accepted him for his flaws, his habits, and his choices. I couldn’t help but feel lied to and used at the same time. I was blindsided by his notion to end what we had and had built.

Dealing with heartbreak can be one of the most difficult situations a young adult can endure. They leave you speechless and sometimes in a daze — almost an empty feeling.

I had my moment of continuous tears in my mom’s arms and my moment of just pure anger. I sat with my mom almost two hours at our neighborhood Dairy Queen just talking and eating a banana split.

In the end he told him how he always would love me and I him. I wished him the best with this new person and I hoped he would find what he really wanted in life. Then I said “Goodbye.”

We all deal with breakups in our own way and it’s OK. Some may sit in their room, secluded from the world. Others just move on to the next. I’ve chosen to cope with the loss of my first love in writing.

While sitting in my room writing this column, I’ve been able to express my emotions and deal with it on my own. Writing has always been my therapy and my salvation because it’s always allowed me to transition or deal with my feelings easier. It’s my cleanser and the one thing that allows me to transfer my energy.

If you are ever faced with a breakup, don’t ever feel like you’re small or less than a person because you’re not. Connect with your loved ones — whether it’s a friend, sibling or parent. Talk to them about the situation. Cry if you have to because it’s going to be OK. Find your distractions and the things that allow you to breathe for a moment and relax. Go to the gym to blow off some steam, or take up painting. Just focus on something else that will allow you to slowly pick yourself right back up.

While the wound may still be fresh, I know over time I will look at it as an experience and how it allowed me to grow as a person.


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