UIW is not enough like a zombie apocalypse

By Alfred MacDonald


UIW, I’m disappointed. When I came to this university, “the fourth-largest private school in Texas,” I expected it to be large. Really large. Jupiteresque. But instead, what I got was only mildly overcrowded.

I can’t tell you how disappointing it is to park on the ninth floor of the Ancira lot only to find students annoyed that they have to stand in the shuttles because there are no seats left. Standing?! At my UIW?! They should be clawing at the roof! When I paid $30,000 to go to a large private school, I fully expected my daily commutes to look like “Resident Evil 5.” This is not encouraging.

Worse, have you been to your libraries? Students are actually able to concentrate on the upper floor. Sure, you’ve been improving: cell phone ringtones go off every few minutes, and to your credit, there are no computers available whenever I need to use them. But there’s a lot of room for improvement. For one, the computers are intact. For two, I have not ever had a mouse thrown at me while two librarygoers were in a death duel for a seat. How am I supposed to practice my shotgun aim? Until this happens, you get a C- in my book, UIW.

I realize I may be too hard on you. And, to be fair, you’ve improved a little bit. My time to find a parking space has recently reached a record-breaking 30 minutes. Even better, the UIW police can now forward their tickets to the county if visitors don’t pay them, just like real public schools. But when I came here expecting that enormous, basically-a-public-school goodness that I can find at TCU, I was given the cold shoulder. And it wasn’t even because that shoulder was dead.

E-mail MacDonald at macdonal@student.uiwtx.edu

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